Posts about my fandoms. Jpop. Anime. Random musings. Occasionally about life.
Sometimes I think, things can’t get any worst than this. How wrong I am. The pit only gets deeper and deeper and narrower and narrower. It sucks even more when you realize you’re stuck with all this shit and people tell you that “talking about it will help” or “I’m willing to help you” or “everyone goes through it”. Empty words. None of it means anything. I don’t mean to be rude or just dismiss your attempts to make me feel better. But to be honest, I don’t feel like any of you care. What, the day after my breakdown, everything resumes to normal and I end up feeling more isolated. This is so cynical of me, but I almost get the impression that some of you just decided to talk to me then because it fed your ego to be better person. Why else would the next few days after, you go on barely talk to me and ignore me?
In the end, the battle is done between you and yourself. It doesn’t matter no matter how much people try to help you. I can’t seem to accept anyone’s sincerity right now and so telling anyone won’t make a difference. Some things I pretended not to see become so clear to me now. No matter what, I just can’t seem to be honest or trust anyone.
Nothing matters anymore.
Party queen! Party queen!
Party queen! Party queen!
Party queen! Party queen!
Saturday night☆
Just a little earlier than usual, “kanpai”
The tension quickly escalatesJust like magic, rosy colors before my eyes
I want to be fascinated with these gold bubbles hereIt’s ok to let it get to your head
Let go and let it get to your head
This is the centre of the world, and I’m the princessThe world is sparkling with light, let only convenient things
And fun things come into my sightI am the party queen! I am the party queen!
We need a drink☆
Friends gather and “kanpai”
And we continue with nothing but that till morningAll you people here
And all you people over there
It’s as if everyone’s already friends and familyThe world is spinning round and round, who are you again?
I don’t even know who I am anymore
It doesn’t matter if the world is up or down, left or right
As long as we wish for it, we can go anywhereI am the party queen! I am the party queen!
I am the party queen! I am the party queen!Tomorrow’s hangover and retrospection, just forget them now
“If that’s too difficult for you, I won’t drink with you again”The world is sparkling with light, let only convenient things
And fun things come into my sightThe world is spinning round and round, and we keep on repeating
No matter how many painful experiences come, we will never be defeatedI am the party queen! I am the party queen!
I am the party queen! I am the party queen
Ayumi Hamasaki - Party Queen
Agghhh. I SO rather drink and party up with ayu than think about my responsibilities now…. -_-
“The world nowadays is full of what is known as common sense, and people are judged based on whether they follow or deviate from this. However, I feel that I have never been part of this categorization right from the start. Whenever things happen, people will do their best to adapt, but I’m not like that, and I’ve probably been criticized for it too. However, I have always stood out because I don’t accept things, and I think I will continue to be like this in the future too… It’s just that, at that specific point in time, I thought that I had found something which I wanted to believe in, and so I believed. However, I cannot change the conclusion of things, and for some reason, the truth is that though I hate loneliness, I love it at the same time. Things like love and forever, I’ve always wanted to believe in these things, even when I was young, but a part of me just couldn’t believe. I believed and trusted too much at some point, but in the end, I managed to realize it. Realize that I could not believe. In the end, I am who I am, and that is what this album is trying to say. That’s why the listeners will feel as if I’ve laid myself bare.”
I wished and believed that someone other than myself would come to understand me better than I could myself, and accept me. But in the end, I found that I could not share myself with others. It’s not anybody’s fault, nor is it that things were not going well, it’s just that I could not change myself.”
“I thought that I could share myself. I knew that I needed to change to ensure the success (of my marriage), and so I thought that I could change, and wished to change. However, I could not.”
Credits to translations from Misa-Chan @ AHS
I LOVE Ayu’s honesty.
